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| Aug. 23rd, 2006 @ 08:58 pm |
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So, you know that feeling when you're so excited but you're unsettled at the same time so you don't know how to feel? That's what's going on right now.
I'm inner freaking out (none of you will see it) about Summer and Smoke and inner freaking out (some of you did see it) because I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH KARINA! That lil bitch ass called me all the way from africa!! Jeez louise I love that girl. I talked to her about Summer and Smoke and I'll leave it at that. she's my saving grace, my sanity, and said 'finoogel' which I will start using. I love that kid. AND I totally miss her!
Moving on. I also had the first day of school today as well as my audition. I felt like it was the best audition i've ever done...but maybe it's bc I don't really remember my past auditions..I know I've never prepared as much. And it wasn't bc i 'want this part sooo bad' It was because I'm trying to grow up and actually do what I should be doing. If I don't get in, I won't be devistated, I kind of need to work anyway, but I really enjoyed being completely prepared for things. I like it alot. I think i'll do a lot better in school knowing I like this feeling :)
Tay Tay says he's gonna fix my computer tomorrow or soon...Have I mentioned how much I fucking adore my roomies? I really do. I'm so comfortable in this house now. I love them both and love hanging out with them roomie style. Sigh.
Anyway. I guess that's all. I would like to personally thank linds for letting me use her computer while mine's on the fritz. That's right. I said Fritz. anyway. I kind of can't wait for the department meeting...is that odd? I'm excited about a meeting...jeez i'm odd.
I miss people that I see everyday...what's up with THAT? | | | |
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| spaniards are easy on the eyes... |
Aug. 1st, 2006 @ 10:46 am |
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Prometo buscar
por cada ricón
de esta habitación
una vida contigo
So, I really wish I´d had the ability to effectivley update while really amazing things were happening to me in Spain. Right now, I´m in the hotel room...again...bc my mommy is still sick. Last night wasterrible. The day was great...I believe in retail therapy...My mommy and I both felt like ass (and not in the "nice peice of.." kind of way) but we went to eat at this cute place called Zahara, I had pizza, she had fruit (she was still tummy ill) and then we went to do a little shopping at H&M (which is WAY better here) and Zara (one of my faves), then we came back around 730, cuz my mommy was feeling bad again and watched some lame tv shows (lame to others, i loved it) like Lizzie McGuire, Phil of the Future, Pimp my ride UK, Madonna´s Pimp my Ride and the end of Bambi...which by the bi, Bambi is INCREDIBLY depressing. If you´ve never seen it dont read the next few lines but my mommy yelled "WHAT i didn´t know Bambi got SHOT?!" and I yelled "what!! I ALSO didn´t know the Forrest burned down!!" we talked about how this movie probably scared the shit out of children...I love my mom.
this morning we ate breakfast downstairs and my mommy got sick so came back upstairs, she´s laying down now, I´m listening to Vega (who kind of reminds me of Geri Halliwell) and updating LJ. I´m trying desperatley to think of a really amazing story to tell from my spain adventures.
MM and I were talking, more like she was talking about it and I was reading it in a message, I suppose I can´t take any credit for that. ANYWAY. About how when you´re in a different country you learn so much about yourself bc you´re not surrounded by the stuff that you´re used to. "you're so culturally immersed and it just emphasizes the beauty of wherever you are"...that´s a direct quote (thanks mm) and it´s completely true. I hope I´m still acceptable when I get back. I realize I´m INCREDIBLY laid back in every sense of the word. I really hate exact plans...I realize that too, I mean these are things I knew at home, but i think i´m going to deal with less bullshit when i get home. I´m just not down with all that lame drama and being here makes me realize there´s far too much amazing shit going on in the world to completely surround yourself with you...does that make sense. If you worry about yourself on a reg bay...you miss so much. When you´re somewhere where you HAVE to concentrate on EVERYTHING ELSE around you, you dont really have a chance to be overdramatic and care who´s dating who and who said what about who when they were picking their toes or whatever the fuck everyone freaks out about.
I´ve seen so many amazing things here, and i´ve changed a lot. i care a lot less. I do mean about people, I dont mean i love anyone any less or whatever i mean...ok, i´ll explain this in the only way i know how...the jack owens way.
jack owens (my dad) (god) once said:
"there are three kinds of people, people who talk about people, those are considered small people, people who talk about events, those are regular people, and people who talk about ideas, those are real people"
I mean, it was SOMETHING like that. I dont remember exactly, but since he said that forever ago it hurts my heart whenever i talk about people. which i do alot, not because i want to, but because everyone else does.
As much as i hated high school, i think i was more myself back then. You couldn´t catch me saying something negative about someone if you tried. Now, I do. I know I do, and i hate it, but it´s what you do when you´re constantly in a department and situation where everything is a competition. People are good, people are bad, people have their heads up their asses, people have their heads up other peoples asses, people have heads so big they wouldn´t fit up anyone´s ass...it´s incredibly annoying and hard not to talk about, but honestly. i´m over it. being here has taught me a lot. there´s too much going on in the world to be completely consumed with what´s goin on around you.
I dont know why i went on that small rampage. I´m bored and a little delusional. I randomly started crying in bed last night. hah. I couldn´t breathe and my lungs felt like steel, my throat felt like there was a bunch of hay blocking my spit swalloing pathway, and my nose felt like it wasn´t a part of my body, like i just had duct tape over my face...it was horrible, but my mommy turned off the a/c, gave me little red pills, gave me a big blanket and laid down next to me, turned the tv off and said "i feel like i could run a marathon right now"...thus...i felt a lot better..then after laying there for about 30 minutes. i started to cry, which was a little refreshing, i haven´t cried more than just tears in my eyes (unless it involved a movie) in quite a while. so...guess what that means? I´M A REAL BOY!...i dont know why i said that. My mommy feels terribly now, she´s napping. Until 11.30 when we have to rush to pack our shit and check out of the hotel. Then we´re walking around Chueca (holla!) and leaving for Bilbao (northwestern area) at 5.30...I´m so grateful to be here.
I just had the incredible urge to sing "i believe in thing called love JUST LISTEN TO THE RYTHYM OF MY HEART" HAH. I dont know why.
Everyone should travel. If you don´t travel...you´re missing out on life.
sueña con viajar
a mis sentidos
siente que es feliz
si está conmigo
Current Mood:  content
Current Music: Tan Distinto - Vega | | | |
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this happened...
Jul. 30th, 2006 @ 12:03 pm |
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so, the last you people heard (unless you read my myspace blog) is that i was being massaged by a chinese person. That´s not happening right now. Right now, currently, at this moment..i´m sitting here. My mommy is sleeping, won´t wake up..i don´t know why...i mean, i realize it´s like 6am there or something, but i´m not sure how to wake her. i´ve written 3 letters and a post card. did a myspace survey, ate, showered, walked around...now i´m ljing.
i guess i´ll write some cool shit i did. first and foremost, ppl in salamanca that aren´t my profs are hella rude and stare a lot. every boy in spain has a mullet and ever woman-lady-girl is spain is absolutley drop dead gorgeous, we´ve yet to figure out how spain produces such amazing women and such unattractive men. I´ll admit, the mullet grew on me, i think it´s kind of cute they put su much work into something red necks can pull off without fail...i dont mind it, but there is NO SUCH THING as a spanish attractive man...i take that back, there´s no such thing as spanish attractive man that ISN´T in movies. aight?
alright, so i saw a LOT of cool buildings, went to the beach in portugaul (portugauls fucking amazing by the bi) went to the north of spain, where we spent an exhorbatant (sp?) amount of time walking through mountains and looking at animals i´d never seen before, giraffes, bears, lions, tigers, emus, zebras...AMAZING. (ive never been to a zoo, but i have a feeling after seeing this i´d feel really weird looking at caged animals, they were all just chillin)...i could have touched a giraffe, but i got scared and just watched other people do it...ANYWAY. we also went to the beach there. I´ve seen tons of museums that have been amazing. I saw andy warhol, picasso and prado museums, then like 3 city museums, two other art museums that were small and i can´t remember the name of, and i´m sure there are some i´ve forgotten. went on a bike tour of barceolona (i reccomend to EVERYONE) really hot guy was the tourguide (he was from california), went to HUGE gay pride festival two nights in a row, decided i wanted to live in Chueca...uhm..saw this fucking amazing flamenco show based on the opera "Carmen" it was beautiful, i almost cried. Saw "Bienvenido a casa" (welcome home), "La Educacción de las Hadas"(the education of fairies), "Volver"(to return), and "Princesas"(princesses)...volver and princesas i WILL own one day. the other two were good too, but not AS good. I met some fantastically amazing people, fell in love with two of my professors, walked A LOT, rode A LOT of buses, saw some castles, rode a horsey, ate some amazing food, ate some crappy food, saw ppl from winthrop (a lot), taken A LOT of amazing pictures, bought A LOT of clothes, bough presents for a few people, spoke a lot of spanish, learned a ton...and its not over yet.
i love my life and i think i may be the luckiest person alive.
i miss you guys, all of you and i want to hug your necks until they fall off, but until that´s possible imma keep having fun...my mommy´s here now. we´re gonna have fun i´m sure. hopefully do some more cool shit.
I LOVE YOU GUYS AND MISS YOU AND I HOPE YOU MISS MY ASS TOO!!!
Current Music: "Hoy" Vega | | | |
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| Jun. 17th, 2006 @ 08:34 pm |
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I'm about to post what I just posted on myspace, but I'm being LJ specific right now. You know those people that ALWAYS make you smile, like without fail. Like, even if you're fighting (which you never do) you're smiling...Well, I love the fact that they exsist. Also, I love the fact that I'm so happy even though there's some screwed up feelings/emotions/situations I'm dealing with. It's like I just put them away for a little bit, and when I need to think about them, I think abou tthem...I like that. I think it's the way to live. While looking up the meaning of life (literally, in the dictionary) one of the def's is 'a biography'...how dandy is that? It's so true. I've recently (as in within the last 5 minutes) decided I'm not going to say or do anything I wouldn't write about. Like, I'm definatley going to stop talking shit, I don't do it too often now, but when certian people are brought up...sometimes you can't help it...Well, I can, I used to not talk at all, I'm a listener, I'll go back to that. Listening. I like that. I'm an observer, and I like it.
myspace said this:
funny story
go on try a little harder
it could be sweet
like a long forgotten dream
So, I definatley just took a 5 hour nap. I was completely exhausted after the yard sale, which went surprisingly well. However, we did all our hard money earning work on 2 hours of sleep...So, after an absurdly delightful lunch with Britney and Sabrina, I came home and laid down. I fell asleep around 230, woke up at 730. I look at my phone and it said '5 new text messages'. Then I checked my voice mail, and just realized I never looked at my text messages...whoopsie..I'll do that in a second. At any rate, I'm currently packing, well, I was, now I'm posting a blog for no reason. I'm really excited about going, but at the same time, kind of upset. I won't get to help Lindsey and Taylor move in, I'm really scared no one will put rent/utilities money in the account...That's probably my biggest fear, I'm kind of addicted to my cat's face...and I'm gonna miss it, I'll miss my friends, I don't know that I'll have constant access to myspace...that doesn't matter as much now that I say it outloud...I don't actually use myspace for anything, I'm scared a lot is going to change, and when I get back everyone will be dating or not dating or living somewhere else or not think the same or not be the same people..I don't know...I guess it's the whole fear of the unknown type thing..I'm not really THAT scared, I'm just nervous, I was nervous before I went to France...I kind of had every right to be, but I'm hoping I'll get over it. I might be going to England mid-July to see KarinaKarina..yay! How tight would THAT be? Chris told me I should pop over bc it's only like 50 bucks and I could stay with him. Soooo, I might do that just CUZ. I don't know. I dont know why I'm rambling so much. jeez. I'm very cold...I don't like the idea of being very cold in summertime. I'll probably need to make a lameass late night wal-mart run tonight, b/c I know I have to get vent thingies for my vent, and yea...I don't know where else to get those at 2am (I don't plan on getting them until after the movie)...I'll spend too much at a grocery store...I hate wal-mart. I used to adore it, now it makes me so uncomfortable...weird.
That came out of nowhere...I guess I'll copy and paste this to LJ, for funfun. I really really miss Carly Mendez. I'm just throwing that out there. I bet 15 of my friends are abou tto got 'wha! why don't you miss me?'...well b/c I TALK TO YOU...asses...I just really miss her. The other night Sabs and I were watching High School Musical, which RULED, and the girls name was 'somethinggay Montez' and sabrina was like 'wasn't that carly's last name?' and I was like '...Mendez?' I don't know WHY I just told that story, but point is, I've been thinkin about her and I miss her....And Katie Daniel won't call me back...ever...it's highly awkward...she made a slightly large deal about not being able to see me for a while and such, and I leave tomorrow for a foriegn country. WTFMATE?
'I Will Always Love You' (whitney houston) just started playing on my itunes...It's amazing how many people I think of when I hear that song. Like literally it's 'my song' with like 34 people...not literally, more like 4 or 5, but it's just funny, b/c I feel like it should be my 'college years' song b/c...well...it's amazing, and I have this little slide show that runs through my head when I hear it, I think of so many people...It's really dandy. I'm stopping this now.
and i will always love you
i will always love you
you
[saxophone}
Current Mood:  nostalgic
Current Music: Superstition - Stevie Wonder | | | |
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| May. 24th, 2006 @ 12:26 am |
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a few questions that i need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
i need to know what i've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
In finally reading LJ's (which I haven't done in quite sometime) I recognize the intense amount of angst on good ole' LJ. Many people have disagreed with me on the definition of angst, well, Webster has the final word...hah...pun
angst Pronunciation Key (ängkst)
n.
A feeling of anxiety or apprehension often accompanied by depression.
or
angst
n : an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom
So, I say you're angsty, get over it. At any rate, it makes me realize exactly how lucky I am to be happy. I've been going through this odd thing where I'm out of money...It's VERY odd. I COULD use my credit card, but I refuse debt(i already owe about $75)...so I'm strapped for cash. I have nine dollars in my wallet and one dollar and eight cents in my bank account...and I need more toothpaste..and I'm going to Charleston this weekend...That's really unnerving. It's funny how much food you discover you have in your house when you're broke. I was pretty much starving when I got home from the movie tonight, and turns out I have food I forgot about...NONE of it was good for me, did I care? NO. you crazy? I kno dats rite.
With this absurdly unhealthy food I decided to do something other than lean against the kitchen sink because doing that never fails to make me feel like a recently divorced housewife...So, I sat in front of the TV...Those of you who know me, know this is actually a big deal...I don't watch TV...at all...sooo...This was odd...What was worse was that I was watching a show fantastically titled 'yo momma'...Did anyone else know about this show? The fact that the day has FINALLY come where a television show is called 'yo momma' is ridiculous. What is our world coming to? I can't decide if it's amazing that so many people are like me and my friends and realize anything on television is worthless so we might as well make fun of it, or if it's really sad people wait on the edge of their seats to see the newest episode of 'yo momma'...hmm...something to think about I suppose.
I'm in chemistry, which is going ok.
I have feelings and emotions and hopes and fears and anxiety and discomfort and panic and nerves and exhaustion and worry and dreams and love and happiness and upset and most of all, amazing friends and family. I'm just like everyone else, but I feel like I might be a little bit luckier than everyone else b/c I'm just so g-d happy...
if you knew that you would be alone
knowing right, but being wrong
would you change
if you knew that you would bring a truth
that brings a pain that can't be soothed
would you change | | | |
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